WHY Kids Need Both?

Our mission is to be a model of education, empowerment, and professional development that transforms the way all stakeholders navigate the challenges of maintaining the eternal unity of the family bond.

Right now, even though the US Census Bureau states that both marriage and divorce rates have decreased between 2008 and 2028, almost 50% of all marriages result in divorce. And many of those divorces involve children. The likelihood of legal battles among ex-partners who have children together is high. The children are often caught in the middle of a volatile situation, and they may be expected, even encouraged, to take sides with each parent against the other.

The predictable future if no ameliorative action is taken, or if the separation process is drawn out, is that these children will be, at the very least, resentful of being robbed of a harmonious childhood. At the worst, the relationship with one or both parents may be destroyed. This kind of high-drama, disruptive experience could lead to a repeat pattern of destructiveness in the child’s future relationships with partners and their own children.

Kids Need Both is one of the leaders in bringing education and awareness of Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) into the courts, parent education curriculum, and schools; it is central to the organization’s service model. We only support organizations that show an understanding that children need both parents, and that both parents are equally capable of the choice to perpetrate PAS, or declare peace.

KNB creates the opportunity for concerned parents, child advocates and the legal system, to have a different way of handling highly volatile custody battles. The KNB model encourages harmony and workability, not destructive force.

Understanding the Family Law Environment

Judges cannot be expected to remember all the tiny details of your life that matter on a day long calendar. Since they are human, they might be biased, bored, or tired, making them unpredictable. Attorneys are not trained to take the role of counselor or coach, so when their client anxiously reaches out for answers, an attorney may feel annoyed and frustrated with their own client and therefore lack the interest to represent them optimally. It is important to understand who the professionals are and how they can benefit you in your case. It is also important to know the kinds of approaches that are available to you. The following describes the four main ways to approach a family law case.

What Makes Our Model Different?

Let’s Compare 4 Approaches…

LITIGATIVE MODEL

ATTORNEY BASED APPROACH

TIME:
9 months – 3 years (contested)
5-6 years (with high-conflict child custody)

MONEY:
$30,000-$52,000 (contested divorce)
$77,746 or higher (with high-conflict child custody)

KEY FEATURES:

  • Designed as a battle to defeat the “opponent”
  • Adversarial by nature
  • Increases animosity
  • Fosters a win/lose mindset
  • Susceptible to violence
  • Contentious
  • Emotionally exhausting
  • Profound effect on children

LITIGATION is a contested action, where someone else, such as a judge may make the final decisions for the parties unless the parties settle before trial. During the litigation process, there may be a series of hearings and temporary orders (e.g. temporary custody and support), culminating in the final orders. Final orders regarding the real issues in the case (e.g. custody, support, division of assets) are usually entered only after there has been a trial with witnesses. (ref. americanbar.org)

An amicable (low-conflict) situation can escalate quickly with the litigative approach. Designed as a battle to defeat the “opponent.” However, in existing contentious situations where one side is already being bullied, having a “bulldog” attorney may coerce the other party to comply with orders. Either way, harmonious outcomes are rare in the presence of litigation.

Adversarial by nature. Increases animosity. Fosters a win/lose mindset. Susceptible to violence. Contentious, Emotionally exhausting, Profound effect on children. Best handled like hostage negotiations. Destroys parent-parent/child and extended family relationships, normally harms both parents, impoverishes/ hospitalizes family members, causes unnecessary incarcerations, suicides, homicides and community massacres.

COLLABORATIVE LAW

COLLABORATIVE APPROACH

TIME:
8-14 months

MONEY:
$25,000-$50,000

KEY FEATURES:

  • Typically the parties are amicable.
  • Both are willing to work together for peaceful resolution
  • Fair and equitable division of assets and child timeshare.
  • Team-based approach
  • Quicker resolution
  • Harmonious outcomes are probable

COLLABORATIVE LAW PRACTICE is an out-of-court settlement process where parties and their lawyers try to reach an agreement satisfying the needs of all parties and any children involved. The parties agree to provide all relevant information. If the parties engage in contested litigation, their Collaborative lawyers cannot represent them in court. The process typically involves “four-way meetings” with the parties and lawyers and possibly other professionals such as neutral financial specialists, communications coaches, child specialists, or appraisers. (ref. americanbar.org)

EMOTIONAL IMPACT: Typically the parties are amicable. And both are willing to work together for peaceful resolution. Couples who choose this route are interested in working together for a fair and equitable division of assets and child timeshare. This is a team-based approach with several divorce professionals paid to work out assets, liabilities and child time-sharing, cost can be pricey. However quicker resolution with harmonious outcomes is probable.

MEDIATIVE MODEL

CLIENT-CENTERED APPROACH

TIME:
4-5 months

MONEY:
$6,000-$7,000

KEY FEATURES:

  • Team-Based
  • Involves a skilled family mediator
  • Quicker resolution with harmonious outcomes
  • Successfully resolves close to 100% of cases within a few sessions
  • Parents learn to communicate, cooperate, mediate and agree
  • Both parents and any children benefit

MEDIATION is a private process where a neutral third person called a mediator helps the parties discuss and try to resolve the dispute. The parties have the opportunity to describe the issues, discuss their interests, understandings, and feelings; provide each other with information and explore ideas for the resolution of the dispute. The mediator does not have the power to make a decision for the parties, but can help the parties find a resolution that is mutually acceptable. The only people who can resolve the dispute in mediation are the parties themselves. If the parties reach an agreement, the mediator may help reduce the agreement to a written contract, which may be enforceable in court. (ref. americanbar.org)

Most divorcing spouses completely settle their case at the mediation conference. When a divorce case settles at mediation, the time to get a divorce is significantly shortened.

EMOTIONAL IMPACT: When both parties choose to mediate there is quicker resolution with harmonious outcomes is probable.

Mediated divorce (both parents pro se): A skilled family mediator will successfully resolve close to 100% of cases within a few sessions, with close to 0% recidivism to courts, the parents learn to communicate, cooperate, mediate and agree on all issue pertaining to the child and normally will resolve all issues inexpensively and constructively throughout the life of the parents. Both parents and any children benefit from the parents learning how to communicate, mediate, cooperate and agree. And they can save as much as millions of dollars, and even death or destruction of family members, by avoiding litigation.

Mediated divorce (either/both represented by a lawyer): Result depends on the objectives/tactics of the lawyers involved, and the skill of the mediator in eliminating the lawyer or lawyers as a factor or as participants in the mediation process. If either lawyer projects suspicion or ill-motives to their client and the mediator is not able to neutralize or eliminate from the process, the result can be divorce litigation.

KIDS NEED BOTH MODEL

SELF-EMPOWERMENT APPROACH

TIME:
4 months (uncontested)

MONEY:
$500 (uncontested)
Subscription to Hope for Families
Many courses and mentorship groups are Free
Discounted services from our directory of professionals

KEY FEATURES:

  • Self-determined-based upon the path you choose
  • Guided by trusted mentors
  • Powered by self-education
  • Supportive network and community
  • Partnership-based approach
  • Power to choose the best solution

KIDS NEED BOTH MODEL is one grounded in self-empowerment. We believe that you should oversee your future. And of course, supported with the power of self-education, supportive networks and a community. Consider it in the context of the world of education or medicine. There was a time when societal belief did not trust the individual to know what was best for their child’s education or their own health and wellbeing. But in recent years, we have taken our power back by overseeing a child’s education and learning homeopathic ways to heal that keep us from being dependent upon community systems.

We believe that each model has value, but when self-empowered, we truly get the freedom to choose.

Our model is built on the principle of partnership with trusted mentors who have been down the path you may be walking. They are committed to making your journey smoother and less painful than what they may have experienced. With educational resources at your disposal, mentor-led empowerment groups, one-on-one relationship coaches and access to a directory of KNB-vetted professionals, you have the power to choose.

EMOTIONAL IMPACT: If you choose to join Hope for Families we provide a suggested roadmap to follow so you know your best course of action. Our coaches will help you personally to navigate your situation. They will give you the best options based upon their knowledge and expertise. We believe that many cases end with the family irreparably broken because the wrong professionals were part of the problem. They created an adversarial environment that damaged an already delicate relationship. In fact, some come to us not even sure if divorce is what they really want. And we are committed to the best outcome for the whole family, we are centered around harmonious and empowering relationships, no matter what it looks like.

Costs to Litigate

    • Initial Consultation ($250.00 – $500.00/hour)
    • Retainer ($2,500.00 – $5,000.00)
    • Filing Initial Pleadings (Summons and Initial Petition) ($1,200.00)
    • Responding to Answer and/or Counter Petition ($1,000.00)
    • Serving Discovery ($500.00)
    • Responding to Discovery ($750.00)
    • Preparing Financial Affidavit and Mandatory Disclosure Compliance ($1,800.00)
    • Preparing Motions ($750.00)
    • Preparing Motion for Attorneys’ Fees ($750.00)
    • Responding to Motions ($750.00)
    • Hiring Experts ($2,000.00)
    • Hearings/Court Appearances ($4,500.00)
    • Mediation (Court-Ordered) ($1,200.00)
    • Co-Parenting Classes and Preparation of Parenting Plan ($500.00)
    • Trial ($7,500.00 – $10,000.00)
    • Appeal ($5,000.00)

Approximate Total Cost of Litigation: $32,700.00+

Costs to Mediate

    • Initial 2-hour consultation ($250.00 – $500.00)
    • Follow up meeting (4 hours at $300.00/hour)($1,200.00)
    • Preparation of Mediated Settlement Agreement ($500.00)
    • Preparation of additional documents, such as Parenting Plan, Child Support Worksheet, and/or Dissolution filings (if necessary) ($500.00)

Approximate Total Cost of Mediation: $500.00 – $2,500.00